Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Uma is a Movie Star?

The nanny I had growing up is a part of my family. We don't call her by name, we call her Ah-yee, which in Chinese, means that she's my mother's sister. We love her like someone who will love you unconditionally without expecting you to become a surgeon. Because my parents...their love is conditional.

Everyone loves Ah-yee, in fact, when my sister was looking for a summer job, Ah-yee found one for her at the best cancer institute in the country. How? Well, she just happened to know the lady who is director of the program. And of course, she loves Ah-yee because everyone loves Ah-yee.

Now, an unbelievably lucky little girl named Anna gets to have Ah-yee five days a week. She's the granddaughter of a world-reknown architect and attends a really posh school in Manhattan.

So the other day, Ah-yee told my sister that she went on a bowling playdate with Anna and Anna's friend, Maya. Ah-yee said that she didn't want to play, because she never bowled in her life, but then Maya's mom Uma said, "C'mon Kathy, just try it one time." So Ah-yee did and bowled a strike her very first time.

"Did you say Uma?" Jenny asked.


"Does she have blond hair?"


Jenny showed her a DVD of Gattaca and said, "Does she look like that?"

"Uma is a movie star?...Wait, Mr. Hawke is a movie star too?"

Thursday, June 08, 2006

The Neighborhood Dog Whispering Bitch

I was walking down the street today when I saw the cutest little brown chocolate lab. He was so sweet and squishable. What was really amazing is that he was completely well-behaved.

When my Scout was a puppy, she was a problem child. She was the craziest thing on four legs, I could not walk her at all because she would pull so hard, she was practically walking on only her hind legs. Cute, she was. But she behaved badly. She chewed up my dining room table, destroyed my couch pillows (along with my sister's fleece pullover), and ate half a spatula. (When I took her to the vet and showed him what she ate, he looked at it, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Don't worry, she's fine.") She also ripped open a bottle of Advil and licked the orange coating off of 150 Advil tablets.

I praised the puppy's behavior to his owner, and told her how crazy Scout used to be. She said:

"You have to show her that you're the pack leader, or she's going to treat you like dirt."

It wasn't what she said, but the way she said it. She was so smug I wanted to kick her in the head and steal her puppy. I took Scout to a dog trainer, who admitted to me that Scout was her "challenge dog." I think, dogs, like children, come in many different flavors, and I just happened to get one that had a bit of crazy in her.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Neighbor Kid

Every so often we hear a strange, repetitive noise coming from our neighbor's yard.

"Thunk" (2 beats)
"Thunk" (2 beats)
"Thunk" (2 beats)

We've discovered that it is the neighbor's son, wacking their tree with a large mallet-like tool that is not sharp enough to do anything but make thunk noises.

We've decided that he is:

1. Younger than we thought.


2. Crazy

The arguments against him being crazy is that we've seen him with his friends, who seem like normal kids. But, then again, we've seen him do some pretty strange things, like ride his teeny weeny, extremely loud-farting dirtbike up and down the block for about ten minutes, every once in a while.